It was one of those evenings that we had come to know far too well. Slamming doors, angry words, complete chaos.
It’s something that families with nonapparent disabilities are very familiar with, and by the same token something that families with no base of reference could and would find disturbing. For us, it was normal.
Stress, pain, and frustration were daily companions. This particular night I was so worked up that like many times before, my husband sent me out to get myself a Coca Cola from the drive through while he calmed her down and got her to bed.
I sat in my car with a tear stained face, crying out to God asking, begging why He would allow this particular brand of sorrow. Not holding back, I poured out my anger and sadness until I had nothing left to say.
I was at the end of my rope, feeling hopeless, helpless, and completely overcome.
Romans 5 immediately came to mind and as I sat and read the passage it was as if Jesus himself had opened the door and sat in the passenger seat. It wasn’t audible, and I always question when people say ‘God said’ or ‘God told me’, but these are the words that were spoken to my heart that night.
You don’t have to have hope. I AM HOPE, and I HAVE YOU. You can be helpless, weak, unable, I am STRONG and ABLE and I HAVE YOU.
I re read Romans 5:1-5…
Therefore, since we have been declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of God’s glory. 3 Not only this, but we also rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance, character, and character, hope. 5 And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
I began to weep as the weight and pressure came into perspective. Now it wasn’t all better and I didn’t go home and say, ‘Ok, everything is going to be ok now’ because I knew it wasn’t. But, I knew Who held me, and at that point, it’s all that mattered. I didn’t have to know. He did.
When life becomes hopeless and our circumstances turn to dark and impossible, with seemingly no sign of light, Hope Himself scoops us up in His safe and strong arms, with an eternal unrelenting grip that rescues us. He carries us when we can’t walk.
His grace is sufficient
His love is complete
His hope is healing
He carries me
His strength is perfect even when and especially when I’m weak
Hope has you.